As my mind begin to silence, suddenly my Awareness was drawn inwardly (pratyahara) to my pain-body.
I see you…
Like an old familiar friend I hadn’t seen in years, without judgement, I invited her in. She entered into the Light of my Awareness. As I felt waves of fears, regret and anxiety rushing in, my immediate reaction was to send warm, loving and compassionate energy and acceptance towards her.
The pain of failure at motherhood had become a subtle thorn in her side over the years of not having custody, which I am now acutely aware. I begin to relax, rather than run this time and just sit with it; As I sat with the pain observing all the harsh judgements I detached from all judgement to simply observe. I began to feel space around the pain that wasn’t just there a moment ago. I realize that I am no failure at motherhood at all, and that I am right where I am supposed to be at this moment, as well as my jewels. Upon receiving a much needed reminder, the realization that I am not my emotions; but rather, I am the Observer, the meditation bell suddenly sounds from my meditation app piercing through my thoughts.
I take note of my surroundings, a white candle burning about 12 inches from my legs folded neatly into the lotus pose and sitting on my purple yoga mat on my bedroom floor. I am reminded that I am meditating. I close my eyes again. Within moments, I again find myself (perusa soul, individual self) in the seat of the Observer. When the mind is clear, and buddhi is present, it reflects the Brahman (Supreme universal soul or consciousness). I suddenly observe my thoughts drifting along in streams of monkey-mind chatter about what I ‘have to do’ today and why.
My sensitivity to the fluctuating vibrational frequency of the gunas (3 strands or qualities inherent in prakrit, primordial matter) in my mind increased. I am aware of the negative energy shifts in my thoughts and emotions and I don’t like it. I’m judging again. This sensitivity is a good thing however. My intention for today’s meditation was to catch my negative thoughts mid stream, which I did and to change the frequency to more positive emotions while thinking about my goals.
I began thinking about my goals, noticing little to no change in my feelings, however. This is where I center my focus, right here on my feelings about my goals. I envision my written Definite of Purpose statement and recite it out loud. Bingo! Right here is where I am discovering some resistance and energy blocks around my beliefs. My mood isn’t shifting as easily as I’d thought. I relax into my body a bit more while concentrating on holding the image of me achieving my goal in my mind… Ding!
Gosh darn it! My meditation timer goes off again, this time informing me that my 15 minutes of morning meditation is up.
I quickly journal my insights down on paper while they’re still fresh before heading to the gym. Tomorrow I will pick up where I left off… envisioning my goals on a more positive frequency.
Meditation Insight: The thought occurred to me immediately after my meditation to envision my goals from my heart chakra (anahata), not my head. But upon further contemplation, it seems likely that my second chakra, the svadhisthana (sacral) is most likely in need of cleansing, balancing, since it is the sacral chakra that stores our emotions. As a rule, if one chakra is dysfunctional, it also effects the other chakras, like my fourth chakra, anahata (heart) for example. A dysfunctioning heart chakra could then be effecting my sixth chakra, ajana (forehead) which is connected to our vision.
Chakra Medicine: I prescribed myself a complete chakra cleansing and clearing treatment on all 7 chakras (similar to Reiki), just to be sure and also to invoke a kundalini awakening. The treatment was powerful. I literally felt energy congestion and intense energy release jolt through my body during my treatment on the second, third and fourth chakras.
Thanks for following my journey 😉